IRVING, Texas -Maybe one day I'll get a job in media where the entire goal is to upset as many people as possible. People will still pay attention because they love to hate me. And when I point the sports radio shotgun at a team they don't care about, well, they'll agree with me.
It appears to be working for Colin Cowherd, who in addition to being the doppelganger for Gob Bluth, is also the most insufferable personality in Bristol's style-over-substance arsenal.
On Thursday, he unveiled his *highly anticipated *list of the 10 most delusional fan bases in all of sports, and yes, you were on the list, Cowboys fans, coming in at No. 4. Two spots ahead of Oakland Raiders fans!
No. 1 in the crosshairs were fans of Tim Tebow, who not too long ago was called the most popular athlete in America. Next up? Why, two of the most-followed college football programs in America, Notre Dame and Penn State. A little further down the list, it's Dale Earnhardt Jr., NASCAR's perennial fan favorite.
Big Ten football! Yes, the entire conference. The Bulls, the Knicks. College basketball. That's right, all fans of that entire sport are crazy for liking it.
And you know what? I tend to agree with some of this. I'm not into college hoops except for the two days in March when my bracket actually appears to have a chance. The Big Ten, it's not the SEC right now, is it? Notre Dame might never win again. Penn State's got big problems. Heck, just a couple weeks ago I referred to Tebow as a throwing fullback. When's the last time Dale Jr. won anything?
Right on, Cowherd.
It appears to be another fantastic illusion by the great Gob Bluth. Except it's not. It's just an attempt to rile up as many people as possible. I mean, doesn't he alienate about 100 million sports fans with this list?
And what's his solution to all these delusions? To not be fans of the teams anymore? Notre Dame hits a rough patch in what is a storied history, so Irish fans should jump ship. Start rooting for Boise State, man, they're winners.
Knicks fans, things were really great when Walt Frazier was playing, but now you're stuck with 'Melo? Better switch to being a Heat fan while you still can.
The thing is, surely the fan bases for each of these teams and athletes understand their respective problems. Around here, we are very well aware of the Cowboys' struggles. And frankly, the Cowboys fans we hear from on a daily basis are some of the most pessimistic people you could ever meet.
"The owner as your general manager is sort of a running joke in the league," Cowherd explained. "One playoff win in 15 years."
Deep commentary there. That'll really teach all those fans who have total, unflinching faith in Jerry Jones as the (de jure) general manager.
I mean, it's time to let go of those five Super Bowls and 21 division titles, isn't it? The Falcons, now there's a team that's going somewhere.
The real problem I have with Cowherd placing the Cowboys so high on his list is that it's actually not delusional to think the team has a chance, at least, to do something this year. They've had a chance to do something for the last six years.
The hype train for this team really got started in 2007, when they went 13-3. Of course, they lost to the Giants in the playoffs, but one play changes that game. If Patrick Crayton catches the ball over the middle in the fourth quarter, the Cowboys probably win. Instead, the loss is an indictment of Tony Romo and Jerry Jones. They'll never win.
The Giants went on to beat the Patriots in the Super Bowl, and are clearly a team that just knows how to get it done. Nevermind they had already lost to the Cowboys twice that year.
Fast forward to 2011, Week 14, Romo misses a wide-open Miles Austin by about a foot on a deep ball that would've all but clinched the division. Instead, New York won the game. And indictment of Romo and Jerry Jones. They'll never win.
The Giants went on to beat the Patriots in the Super Bowl, and are clearly a team that just knows how to get it done. Nevermind that they lost by two touchdowns to 4-9 Washington the very next week.
It's not to take anything away from New York. They were the champs in both those seasons. They earned their rings.
What I'm saying is that the difference between teams in the NFL is pretty thin. It comes down to a matter of inches on one play out of, what, 4,000 over the course of a season?
The Giants go 9-7 and win the Super Bowl. Yet Cowboys fans are somehow delusional to think their 8-8 (by a few inches) team *has a chance *to get on a similar roll.
Now it looks like the Cowboys have turned their biggest weakness, the secondary, into a strength. They've got their potential All-Pro running back healthy, DeMarco Murray, and Miles Austin, too. Dez Bryant is another year into his development. The offensive line won't be worse, right?
And yet Cowboys fans would be delusional to have a little hope. It's maddening.
But, that was the entire point.
